Alan Collectable Trading card

Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a trading card!

Feast your eyes on this non-shiny, laminated (but only slightly) tribute to one of broadcasting’s most resilient men: me, Alan Gordon Partridge. This isn’t just a trading card — it’s a limited-edition piece of televisual history that practically reeks of Toblerone, travel taverns, and light perspiration.

Featuring a full-colour photo of me looking either pensive or caught mid-blink (hard to tell), this card captures the very essence of Partridge. It’s got gravitas. It’s got charisma. It’s got me in shorts. What more do you want? A shiny one? Tough. Life isn’t shiny, my friend. It’s matte, with rounded corners and a whiff of petrol station forecourt.

Collect it? Frame it? Trade it with your friends? Don’t be daft. Keep it in your wallet, close to your heart, and flash it at people in service stations when they question your credentials. You never know when you’ll need to prove you’ve met Glen Ponder.